Paper and Pen

(While organizing various loose papers and notebooks filled with journal entries and unfinished lyrics, I came across this free fall piece I wrote three years ago.)

Here we are again,

Paper and pen,

Like old friends

Although I must say

The conversation is always one-sided

(Not that I mind)

I think I’d be wise to confide in you

More often than I do

Because you,

Paper and pen,

Can’t be hurt by anything I share with you.

But the hesitation

And censorship

Lies within the hand

My hand

That puts you to use

For once it has been written,

Though you would never betray of your own accord,

Your very nature makes the betrayal possible

Because you cannot undo

The words I’ve written with you

And should another pair of eyes

Happen to chance upon you

There would be nothing that you could do

To stop them from reading

The words I’ve confided.

So once I’ve used you,

Paper and pen,

Always

Always there is the decision

To hide the words away

Or tear them to shreds

But it’s not as though

By doing one or the other

The feeling was never felt

The one that made me reach for you,

Paper and pen.

You’ve been my camera

Capturing various moments

Snapshots

It never ceases to surprise me

How the words written

Upon being left alone and then come back to

Read after a time

Recreate the circumstances

And emotions

And headspace

That were occurring at the time of conception.

Headspace

I suppose that has a tremendous influence

On when I choose to reach for you,

Paper and pen,

Either because I want to clear it

Or abandon it

Or understand it

Or share it.

If I choose to tear the words to shreds

Does that imply

That I seek to destroy their meaning?

Does it imply

That I abandon my commitment to them?

Does it matter?

Who are they really for?

If they remain unread,

Then I I will have used you selfishly,

Paper and pen.